Realization

ok...its been way too long since i've released stuff out of my dome, lol...so here we go...
been thinking about relationships A LOT lately...watching and listening to other folks and how they react to certain things really helped me form my own opinion on this issue...
me, I guess u can say I'm normal till pushed over the edge, then there is no telling what I will do, lol...most of u are probably thinking, Chisa---she is soo calm, quiet, she wouldn't wild out, but when it comes to relationships I've been known to go BUCK wild,lol...but I don't want to be that person anymore...If I have to go crazy or wild out in a relationship there is a PROBLEM and I need to GET OUT fast quick and in a hurry.
So, before I use to worry and get pissed off with my the whole hanging/phone talking/texting/etc. with other chics...yeap, I would be that one asking who is that/where u know her from/how long ya'll been friends/u ever boink/etc...depending on the response I got I would get all worked up/pissed/and even sometimes get my feelings hurt. U'd be gone going on with ur day and my thoughts would be racing wondering where u were, who u were with, what u were doing, wondering if u lied, etc...I'd create a whole scenario in my head and then just run with it. It was bad!!!
Now however I've decided to not waste my thoughts and energy on things I can not change...if ur dude/friend wants to kick it with another chic he's gonna do it, complaining or worrying about it is just a waste of time...If he is a flirt, he's gonna flirt, complaining or worrying about it, again---just a waste of time...
you gotta figure out what u will and will not go for n ur relationship...know urself and figure out what makes u uncomfortable and then decide if u can handle the person u r with...it's best to know what u want in the beginning of ur relationship but we have a right to change our minds whenever we want.
before u start complaining or accussing ur other half of cheating know what outcome u want...if ur accussing him of cheating but are not breaking up with him then ur sending a signal that cheating is ok...no need to worry about loosing me cuz I think ur cheating on me but I'm still right here complaining...also, u gotta be careful what u ask...dont ask a question ur not ready for the answer to...AND, know that ur actions get a reaction...not saying to be scared to express urself but know that how u express urself can back fire n ur face...u can hit a nerve with the other person and they can be turned off/pissed off/or even gone just because they r not gonna go for being accussed all the time/wildouted (lol soo not a word) on/etc.
then too, if ur complaining and going crazy all the time ur just pushing the other person away...if u r annoying me but oh boy over there is hella laid back i might just go see what oh boy is about
for a while i didnt really realize what made me uncomfortable...had to go thru certain things to realize what I would go for and what I wouldn't

yeah those were hella random, hopefully they made some kind of sense though

oh, and for the record...
1. I am not a cheater nor will I go for cheating
2. You cheat u loose me and IF I cheat it means I'm done and have probably been done for a while but for what ever reason ur not letting me go.